it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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