woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
