tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
