that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
