i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
