one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
