i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
