i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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