before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
