im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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