just come out here and I will go home with you...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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