and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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