oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize