I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
