I just pynch a tree in the face
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The Olympian is in my bed
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
