we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize