I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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