dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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