I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
