New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
