I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize