her vagine was all disorganized.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
