She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's official drugs can't kill me
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize