I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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