You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
