we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
