cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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