I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
