I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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