Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
