Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
