before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
