She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
