Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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