she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
