margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
