I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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