when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Randomize