Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
