Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize