Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
