I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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