I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
