The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
