I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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