just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
