I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
