I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
