i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
