I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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