Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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