When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
