It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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