he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
