it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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