i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
