and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Randomize
