a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
