mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Randomize