I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
