I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
