Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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