I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
