My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
