So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Small penises have feelings too.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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