I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Randomize
