i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
