Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
