I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
