I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
