evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
