Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize