Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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