Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
