So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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