I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
