I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
