see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
