It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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